The Baby is Coming! The baby is Coming!

Okay the baby is coming. But not until August but in the meantime I'm in total freak out mode. A note to all of you out there do not have a baby until your house is totally renovated.

We've been renovating our house for about 2 years. It's still not done. We had a few slow ups this year with some financial constraints and just finding time with a toddler. But things are calming down and the baby is coming in August and I am in absolute panic mode to get the house decorated, painted and as many projects done as possible.

Today is one of those days when I am in panic mode plus. I am so incredibly anxious it taking all of my power not to walk out of my office, get a paint brush and go home to paint some baseboards.

I try comforting myself with when I was pregnant w/ A. we had no floors and walls in the house for awhile. Also as I was having contractions we were moving into the house as the contractors were finishing the floors. And tow days later out popped the little peanut when most of our belonging were still in boxes.

This time around, I just need to paint some baseboards, the kitchen, and decorate. The fun part. I need to buy curtains and paintings and make it homey. Much easier than the first time. Yet as my due date gets closer the nesting instincts set in and I'm where I am this morning. In total freak out mode about essentially everything.

It's going to get done. We're going to have a pretty livable house come August. Just Breathe. At least this time around we have walls....

Jesus Class

For the last 10 weeks J. and I have been attending a class through our church entitled "Life, Community, and Faith." I originally thought the class was about the foundation of our church and about the rhetoric of it. It wasn't. It turned out to be deeper than that.

Every week for the last 10 weeks and 2 retreats 23 strangers have met in a room and have built a community. We explored tough issues like sin, not biblical sin being untrue to yourself and ways in which you have disappointed yourself or others by not taking action for yourself. By blaming others. We built a Torah for our class and for ourselves.

Every week strangers sat in a room and shared the most intimate vulnerable details of their life. At first I was very resistant of this. I'm not a touch feely kind of girl. I don't like to show my weaknesses my moments of vulnerability. I'm the tough girl everyone can depend on. Everyone leans on me and I rarely lean on others. I think I can do it all myself. But the reality is I can't.

I don't warm up to people quickly and Jesus class was no different. I was guarded. But as these strangers started opening up and sharing their vulnerability something in me snapped and I realized it would be okay. So I did. I shared. I cried. And I let myself for a moment lean on others. I realized where I wan to be mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I realized every week I had a safe place. We all had a safe place.

Well, last night was the last night of Jesus Class, and it was so bittersweet. But as we said our farewells we knew that it wasn't' really good bye. It was more like a hello, as we know that as 23 strangers we have made strong connection that ties us all together.

I learned that it's okay to be weak sometimes, for that's when we we become stronger.