Guilty Mom Syndrome

This morning I suffer from Guilty Mom Syndrome. It all started last Friday when I took the day off to chaperon A.'s school trip to the zoo. When we woke up it rained so no zoo for us. When I dropped her off at daycare this morning, there was a sign on her classroom door, Zoo Trip this Friday, May 4. My immediate thought was great I need to take another day off of work. Not Yhea! another extra day with A. (I've already had to take 4 vacation days this month for school activities.)

After dropping her off with her friends I marched my pregnant hormonal butt into the directors office to explain my disdain for having to take yet another day off for the zoo trip. I told her so far this month I have taken 4 days off of work for school activities. I told her that my work was flexible but still I earn vacation on accrual and I'm going in the hole and that I would like to use my vacation days for exactly that to go on vacation. I said it's not an issue of me not wanting to spend time with A., I love it, but four days in one month to take off is a bit much. I also pointed out that many parents schedules are not as flexible as mine. Her response was that she can't control the weather and that if I didn't want to take off on Friday, A. could stay at school while the the other kids go to the zoo. I said no that is not a good solution because that is really unfair to A. to sit at school while the other kids go to the zoo. And this solution did nothing to my guilt but escalate it. Due to my raging hormones, I was crying. And feeling really guilty now. I than suggested next time they say we are going to the zoo this day but a rain date is set for this date.

And now I feel guilty. I feel terrible for feeling put out for getting an extra day with A. I love A. more than anything and often wrestle with the guilt of having to work full time and send her to daycare. I would love nothing more than to be a stay at home mom and spend my days enjoying her childhood and getting lost in the beauty and curiosity that is A. But the reality is, both my husband and I have to work as do many families to provide A. with the things she needs.

And so I cry some more as I deal with the guilt of having to be a full time at work mom. It really is unfair.